Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Brangelina On The Move...Again

Word on the ritzy rues of St. Jean Cap-Ferrat is that super stars Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie along with their multi-culti brood of celebutots have recently arrived in the South of France via private jet with two nannies and three security guards in tow.

(What! That's all? Your Mama was under the impression that the entourage of these two always on the move movie stars also includes several personal assistants. Don't tell Your Mama the assistants were forced to fly coach on a commercial airline because that is just mean. And what about the home school teachers? Don't these children need teachers?)

The freakishly good looking couple et. al. have reportedly settled in for an extended stay at Villa Maryland, the Florentine-style architectural confection owned by Microsoft co-founder and prodigious party thrower Paul Allen. The spectacular hill top villa is tended by a year round staff of 12 and features a lovely swimming pool, meticulously manicured grounds, plenty of privacy and a view of the Mediterranean over a small yacht harbor.

Other really rich (part time) residents and nearby neighbors are said to include Bono (whose waterfront place is in nearby Eze Bord du Mer), music theater mogul Andrew Lloyd Weber, and it is widely rumored but not confirmed that multi billionaire Bill Gates purchased the legendary Villa La Leopolda from international high society doyenne Lily Safra for between seventy five and ninety million smackers. Pocket change for a man with a net worth of 60 or 70 billion bucks.

photos: NiceLife via VirtualTourist

Ricky Martin Has Island Fever

According to bunches of Brazilian newspapers and blogs that Your Mama is unable to read, bearded and bon bon shaking Puerto Rican pop star Ricky Martin has gone and bought himself an island off the coast of Rio de Janeiro. A damn island!

Details are slim, but all reports say He of the Bubble Boo-tay forked over about eight million clams for the small island that is reported to be part of the Angra dos Reis archipelago.

We got no reason to piss, moan or dispute any one's reports, but quite frankly, that number sounds a little high to Your Mama given that another island in the chain of island-ettes which features a giant 7 bedroom house, a swimming pool and a private heliport is currently on market for $3,495,000. Did Ricky get something even more faboo? Or did he get had?

Listen up Señor Martin, call Your Mama. We could use a nice vacay far from the snap snapping of the paparazzi and it sounds like your little island could be just the place. We'll even bring Sven the Svee-dish masseur who'll rub your beefy bah-dee until you beg him to stop.

Your Mama Hears...

...From the Shelter Island Snitch that Shorewood Manor, once the summer digs of former New York State governor Hugh Carey, has finally been sold.

Shelter Island local Chris Knight purchased the spectacular (but somewhat shabby) 8.5 acre property in early 2007 for $10,000,000 and immediately put it back on the market with a shocking $33,000,000 asking price which was later hacked to $24,900,000 and then again chopped to $22,400,000.

Property records do not yet reveal a buyer or a sale price, but Snitch whispered to Your Mama that Mister Knight had several offers to chose from and the lucky winner of the property hails from the land of Rolex. That would be Switzerland least that's where Your Mama's Submariner comes from. All that coy little Snitch would reveal about the sale price was that it is "in the double digits" and provides a "handsome profit" for all parties involved in the (rumored to be) record setting deal.

UPDATE: Veronica Hearst

It sounds like Miz Veronica Hearst's Fifth Avenue real estate ship has finally sailed and the moving trucks will soon be lined up on East 66th Street with doors standing agape and ready for all the fine furniture and high priced ar-tay-facts that will be swaddled in bubble wrap and squirreled out through the service entrance.

Boy wonder real estate gossip Max Abelson at the New York Observer worked his Rolodex, turned on his considerable charms and recently managed to get the chatty wife of co-cop board president (and AllianceBernstein CEO) Lewis Sanders on the horn who told him, "She [Miz Hearst] has a gorgeous apartment and it’s sold at a top price. … And that’s all that can be said."

However, that is not all that was said. When asked about the identity of the new buyer Miz Sanders added, “You really don’t see people. This is like living in a building alone, as opposed to living with others,” she said. “Affluent people prefer that." Oh. Ouch. That's an unconscious but very revealing statement by a very privileged woman, isn't it?

Miz Sanders, who apparently could not stop speaking once she started, also told Mister Abelson that, “She’s [Miz Hearst] decided to move to another residence.”

Well, obviously.

Will Miz Hearst and her roommate/daughter Fabiola Beracasa pack up and move to her 45-acre estate in New Castle, NY? Have the two of them rented something small but soigné in Southampton for the summer? Or, as The Fifth Avenue Flapjaw whispered to Your Mama the other day, Miz Hearst might be packing up her closets full of couture clothing and heading south. Way south. To Bolivia. Bolivia? Who moves to Bolivia anymore? Anyhoo, we can't confirm that bit of gossip and rumor, but let's remember children that it whaaz Flapjaw who first tattled to Your Mama that Miz Hearst had done sold her lavish and long time Fifth Avenue digs for $31,000,000. (The actual sale price is yet to be revealed or confirmed.)

If we've said it once we've said it a thousand times, we sincerely hope this marks the end of The Widow Hearst's financial brouhaha and that the educated ladee will soon settle into something modest and manageable and encourage fabulous Fabiola go and get an apartment of her own.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Arthur Blank Selling Buckhead Mansion

SELLER: Arthur and Stephanie Blank
LOCATION: Tuxedo Road, Atlanta, GA
PRICE: $10,600,000
SIZE: 8,225 square feet, 7 bedrooms, 7 full and 3 half bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Spectacular mature gardens and lake are viewed from the iron balconies of this magnificent 4 acre estate. Situated on one of Atlanta's finest streets, across from the Woodruff estate, the grounds of this wonderful seven bedroom home are unparalleled in Buckhead.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: About a week ago Your Mama received word from the Buckhead Blabbermouth that Atlanta Falcons owner, Home Depot co-founder and billionaire Arthur Blank recently put his baronial Buckhead mansion on the market for $10,900,000. Being blissfully and almost totally ignorant about professional sports, the only tidbit Your Mama can pull out of the dark recesses of our gin soaked mind about the Atlanta Falcons is that it's the team for which disturbing dog torturer Michael Vick last quarterbacked. However, let's not uglee this story up with discussing that pile of sick whom Your Mama hopes is some demonic dude's new "wife" in whatever prison he's landed.

Knowing little about Atlanta other than it's sometimes called "Hotlanta" and that land luvin' billionaire Ted Turner and He of the Fabulous Sunglasses Elton John maintain residences in the southern city, we once again turned to our saucy and sassy friend Fiona Trambeau who happens to know a thing or two about Buckhead thanks to a sexually confused, Guinness guzzling and pill popping former consort who shall remain nameless. For now.

Miz Trambeau informs Your Mama that Buckhead is one of Atlanta's finer neighborhoods and its winding and leafy streets are lined with mansions both modest and excessive, stately and over-stated. According to Miz Trambeau, there also happens to be a thriving nightlife in Buckhead that is peopled by khaki clad bizness men who look like they might have belonged to a fraternity in college and young women in strappy high heels, expensive mini dresses and even more expensive handbags. As you might imagine, Miz Trambeau finds it all a little mainstream for her notoriously wild and wicked ways.

Anyhoo, property records reveal that Mister and Missus Blank purchased their 8,225 square foot brick Colonial Revival style mansion on Buckhead's Tuxedo Road in April 1993 for $3,380,000. Listing information indicates the house includes 7 bedrooms with 7 full and 3 half bathrooms. It's a good thing listing information also indicates that the Blank pile also includes staff quarters, because with ten terlits you definitely need a live in gurl with a scrub brush super glued to one of her hands.

Listing information and and a recent report in the Atlanta Journal Constitution reveal that the interior spaces include a two story foyer for impressing guests and the pizza delivery man, a dining room that seats 12, a library, media room/home thee-ay-ter, and in-law suite (which is a fantastic feature for those with frustrating in-laws), a wine grotto for perfect for well to do winos to tipple and taste, and an in-home fitness center in which the hung over home owners can privately sweat out the booze the next morning .

However, it's really the outdoor spaces that make this property a real head turner. Four acres of magnificent, meticulous and mature landscaping include a private lake (that looks a wee bit small to be a lake, so let's call it a pond), multiples terraces, patios and decks, a swimming pool, sculpted lawn areas, gazebos, pergolas, quiet contemplative corners and secret sweet spots where one could easily and freely frolic in their birthday suit without any fear of being spied by neighbors or hovering helicopters.

As the children might expect and any high end property shopper would hope, Mister and Missus Blank's Buckhead estate sits in solid real estate company. Across the street is Windcrofte, the Regency style behemoth that was once the home of Robert Woodruff, a man who had Coca Cola cash coming out his philanthropic wazoo. Currently owned by big biznessman and wannabe Republican politician Guy Millner, the 7-acre property is also on the market for $13,900,000.

According the Atlanta Journal Constitution, the billionaire Blanks will be staying in the hotsy totsy 'hood and plan to move to another Buckhead property that is currently under renovation. Your Mama hopes their new digs will include landscaping as lovely and impressive as their old house and we look forward to being invited to a garden party this summer to check it all out.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Alex Lifeson In a Rush to Sell His Hoose

SELLER: Alex Lifeson
LOCATION: Chestnut Park Road, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
PRICE: $5,699,000 (Canadian)
SIZE: 6 bedrooms, 7 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: ...Over 6,000 sq. ft. of beautifully fin space lends itself to elegant & comfortable living. Entertaining spaces are stylishly fin w/ sophisticated accents. Fab fpls. on 4 lvls. 6 bdrms are spacious. A detached 3 car grg w/ 2nd lvl living/studio space accessible fr frdn. A rare circular drive creates a dramatic entrance.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Back in the 1970s, Your Mama, Sister Woman, and cuzzins Lois and Toddaroohoo used sit around Aunt Jennie's colossal console stereo and ride around in Your Mama's Mama's souped up Cutlass listening to 8-track tapes of Linda Ronstadt, Barry Manilow and Donna Summer with a bit of the Bay City Rollers tossed in for modern measure. In the 1980s, like so many other confused and angst ridden small town teens, Your Mama fell backwards into the post-Punk and New Romantic music scenes of the The Psychedelic Furs, Softcell and Culture Club. Jeezis, remember those days, kids? So when we first received word from Canadian Jon that a man named Alex Lifeson had put his big hoose in a hoity toity area of Toronto on the market, we confess, we didn't have a clue who Mister Lifeson is or what he does that qualifies him as a noteworthy individual.

So, as we always do, Your Mama turned to the internets where we learned Mister Lifeson is the founder and lead guitarist for Rush, a venerable and beloved prog-rock band that defines a particular genre of music that Your Mama never understood nor particularly liked. Listen puppies, we're not dogging Rush or in any way throwing shade on their talents, longevity or considerable successes. We're simply saying, that heavy duty rock (or "prog-rock," whatever that is) was not, is not and will never be Your Mama's cup of musical tea.

Anyhoo, according to listing information and a recent report in The Globe and Mail, Mister Lifeson's three story and (approx.) 6,000 square foot brick built hoose stands on Chestnut Park Road in a leafy and posh part of Toronto called Rosedale. Your Mama feels comfortable enough with the children to tell them that we are entirely ignorant of Toronto's lay of the land so we quickly consulted a Canadian cohort we'll call The Fiddler who tells us that ritzy Rosedale sits very near downtown Toronto, has lots of swanky shops that line Yonge Street, and is chock full of Canadian rich and famous folks like master thespian Eugene Levy, billionaires Gerry Schwartz and Heather Reisman, comedienne Andrea Martin and fellow Rushian Geddy Lee. Several years ago, troubled American actor Kiefer Sutherland and his wifey Kelly very publicly sold their house in the Crescent Park section of Rosedale during their long estrangement (and subsequent dee-vorce).

Since Your Mama hasn't any idea how to look up Canadian property records, we have to rely on The Globe and Mail's report that 54 year old Mister Lifeson and his wifey Charlene have owned their crib with the frat hoose-like facade for (about) ten years. We don't know how much moolah the couple paid for their place, but it is currently listed at $5,699,000 (Canadian), which our bejeweled abacus informs Your Mama is about the same as $5,624,000 American dollars.

Listing information indicates the hoose includes 6 bedrooms and 7 bathrooms spread over three floors of living space as well as a finished basement that contains a games room. The main living level features an impressive entrance gallery and stair hall, living and dining rooms with wacky wallpaper and elaborate and upsetting window treatments, a library, family room and a large eat in kitchen with a large (and possibly dangerous) pot rack that listing information reveals is included in the sale.

Other than the zany zebra print rug paired with the kooky 1980s red-violet chaise lounge with the poppy orange throw pillows in the sitting room of the master bedroom, there's really little in terms of interior day-core that Your Mama cares's just too traditional, fussy and furniture showroom-ish for our personal taste. None the less we find the facade stately, the public rooms nicely proportioned, and we adore the detached carriage hoose/garage with living space above which is perfect for stashing staff and/or guests that don't recognize that a three week visit is simply too long and intrusive to be warrant being hoosed in the main hoose.

According to local gossip (and reported in The Globe and Mail), now that their two children are grown Mister and Missus Lifeson have decided to move on to a smaller crib, a sensible real estate decision we seldom see made by rich and famous folks who so often buy and build ever bigger and more lavish hooses.

Although we hear that Toronto is wonderfully lefty liberal and a lovely location to live, Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter prefer to make our home in warmer climes. However, if we were ever to pack up our small fleet of BMWs and emigrate to Canada (which, politically speaking, hasn't aways seemed like such a bad idea), we can imagine that a solid and dignified hoose like this would be an excellent place to set up shop and keep the bitter chill of winter at bay. After a little redecorating and a lot of wallpaper removal, natch.

UPDATE: Michael Jackson

Let Your Mama offer a word to the real estate wise: Get on the horn right away to the Biltmore or the Bacara iffin you want to be standing in the front row of the scheduled and fast approaching May 14 foreclosure auction of (literally) fading pop icon Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch. Fox 411 gossip columnist Roger Friedman recently reported that a few big bucks bidders are already circling with their cashier's checks in hand and Your Mama thinks that hotel rooms–good hotel rooms– may be difficult to come by.

Expect a media madhouse on the steps of the Santa Barbara County Courthouse when the tattered, torn and tossed aside 2,900 acre ranch is sold to the highest bidder and Mister Jackson's sad and embarrassing Santa Ynez Valley real estate woes come to their tawdry and inevitable end.

Interested parties are said to include "some form of the original loan holder Fortress Investments" as well as a Virginia based mortgage company who was approached earlier this year by now nixed Jackson manager/mouth piece Raymone Bain.

Meanwhile, where's Mister Jackson?

Sad. Sad. Sad. As Your Mama's good pal Virginia Slim says, "This can only end in tears." But at least it will end children, at least it will end.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

UPDATE: Veronica Hearst

The scuttlebutt among the hoity toity denizens of the Upper East Side has reached a fever pitch in regards to the rumored sale of Veronica Hearst's lavish co-op at 4 East 66th Street. Someone in the know is apparently whispering similar stuff to Mister Max Abelson at the New York Observer that Your Mama heard through the gossip grapevine the other day.

Iffin the ladee who lunches needs a ridiculously discreet place to hole up and ride out the publicity, Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter would like to offer Miz Hearst our guest bedroom...because no one, and we mean no one, would ever expect Miz Hearst to be shacking up with Your Mama.

In all seriousness, if Miz Hearst does indeed sell her giant apartment we sincerely hope all her financial difficulties will be cleaned up, cleared up and a nothing but an uglee memory.

A Wee Bit of Weekend Mish Mash

Your Mama hears whispered through the gossip grapevine that P-Diddy or Puff Daddy or Diddle Daddle–or whatever damn moniker the hugely successful East Coast based entrepreneur has chosen to go by this year–is sniffing around for a high priced property in some of the hillier and more desirable zip codes in Los Angeles.

Oscar winning Australian actor and pugilist Russell Crowe must have moved out of the former N. Alpine Drive compound that had been previously leased by Tom Crooz. The 9 bedroom and 9 bathroom house (pictured above) sits on 3 manicured and prime Bev Hills acres and the owner is asking a spine tingling $100,000 per month.

Not that saving money is any concern of his, but sounds like Mister Prince could have saved some serious purple paper money if he'd leased this heavily secured house rather than (reportedly) forking over a shocking $200,000 per month for that behemoth in Beverly Park.

In additional rental news, Your Mama's favorite Hollywood hottie of a certain age Sharon Stone is offering to lease a house she owns–but has never occupied as far as we know–for $58,000 per month. Located on five glorious acres at the terminus of N. Beverly Drive, poor Miss Stone has been trying to sell this real estate white elephant (pictured above) for about as long as Your Mama has been alive. Given that the baby-maker flashing AIDS activist and single mommy of three remains ensconced in her long time compound over on Dawnridge Drive, we can't fathom why she bought this house back in 2006 to begin with. But if we've said it once we've said it a thousand times, who are we to make sense of the fickle real estate desires and machinations of the rich and famous...particularly when we're talking about a capricious minx like Miz Stone?

Since we're blathering on about rental properties today, let's go back to the teeny tiny house on Carbon Beach that billionaire David Geffen recently purchased from merely rich restaurateur Peter Morton. Our Fairy Godmother in Malee-boo whispered in our big ear that immediately after forking over $9,800,000 for the 2 bedroom house, Mister Geffen offered it out for lease at $15,000 per month (year round). Your Mama can't be sure the monthly checks Mister Geffen receives from the tenant show that exact number, but given its sa-weet location amongst all the billionaires on Carbon Beach, Your Mama presumes they do.

Just so the children of the Chicken Little variety don't feel left out this morning, let's touch on the heavenly Hollywood Hills house that Naomi Foner and Stephen Gyllenhaal have on the market. Miz Foner and Mister Gyllenhaal are, of course, Jake and Maggie Gyllenhaal's mommy and daddy. However, they are also successful and respected industry types in their own right. Located on Mulholland Drive near the northern tip of Runyon Canyon, the couple first offered their warmly contemporary single story digs with an asking price of $4,200,000. They recently ka-rah-tay chopped the asking priced all the way down $3,795,000. Does this reflect the current state of the market or rather a sincere desire by Miz Foner and Mister Gyllenhaal to sell the property quickly? You decide. Whatever the case, this is one of our favorite celeb owned properties and if Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter had $3,795,000 to spend on a house, we do we would certainly consider this one.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Prince Leases Giant House in Beverly Park

According to the gurls who write the Wall Street Journal's Private Properties column, high heel wearing rock star royalty Prince recently leased this house in the guard gated Beverly Park community for $200,000...

...Per month.

Can you hear Your Mama gasping for air and reaching for the nerve pills?

Two hundred thousand dollars is a lot of damn money for to lease a place to live and throw parties even if the house measures in at around 30,000 square feet. The "Tuscan-style" extravagance is also available to purchase for a blistering $50,000,000. Property records, reports and rumors all say that the owner of the home is George Santopietro, who built the behemoth on speculation.

Prince may be special, but he isn't the only royal on this particular Beverly Park block. Several of the homes across the street are owned by the Saudi royal family. On one side of Prince's temporary palace is Rockstar Energy Drink founder Russ Weiner, who forked over $15,000,000 for his 16,000 (approx.) square foot house in February 0f 2007, and on the other side is the above mentioned Mister Santopietro, who was once married to letter turner Vanna White.

UPDATE LATER SAME WEEK: Your Mama heard from Mister Sunshine that Mister Prince only leased this house for one month during which he and his people threw a may-jah party for the Academy Awards. So maybe one of you Bev Park le can shoot us an email and let us know if His Petite Purpleness is (or is not) shacking up in Mister Santopietro's spec house.

Your Mama Hears...

...from A Girl Named Ted that pop starlet slash new mommy Christina Aguilera and her music executive huzband Jordan Bratman have quietly put their former residence on Devlin Drive in the Hollywood Hills on the market with a $7,995,000 price tag.

If the children put on their thinking caps, they will recall that in August of 2007 Mister and Missus Bratman made the rather unexpected choice to fork over $11,500,000 for the 11,571 square foot Bev Hills mansion of Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne. Perhaps Miss X-Tina was drawn to all the religious iconography carved into the doors and floors? Maybe she liked the gated motor court where they can unload baby Bratman from their gas guzzling white Rolls Royce without being photographed? Or maybe they are just not bothered by buses that roll slowly by while tourists act foolish and hang out of windows snap, snap, snapping with their Leicas? Who knows?

Anyhoo, property records reveal that Miss Aguilera purchased the Steve Hermann designed digs at the top of Devlin Drive in April of 2003 for an undisclosed sum of money although reports from the time indicate it was around $5,000,000. We've also heard from A Girl Named Ted that Miss Courtney Cox looked at this place before it was quickly snatched up–furniture and all–by Miss X-Tina. Prior to Mister Herman giving the place an overhaul, the Devlin Drive house was owned by producer Jack Haley Jr., who is perhaps better known in some circles for having once been married to the lovable show bizness train wreck that is Liza Minelli, a senior citizen who can still high kick it like she's 45 years old thanks to new hips.
Anyhoo, we digress yet again. Your Mama has yet to locate a listing for the Devlin Drive property, but records and reports indicate that there are 5 bedrooms and 7 bathrooms in the 5,411 square foot house (some reports say 6,500 square feet) as well as living and dining rooms, a screening lounge with wet bar, a 25 foot waterfall, and unobstructed views. Your Mama located photos on the designer's website that reveal that Mister Hermann did what he always does to houses in the Hollywood Hills, which is transform them into sleek and sexy celebrity style residences with textured palettes of taupe, mushroom, brown and beige.

We've got a tufted wall of mushroom colored velvet in the media area, a fireplace surround that appears to be made of brushed aluminum (or some other metal), a Carrara marble clad master bathroom, acres of shag rugs, a kitchen straight out of an Italian design magazine, lots of down filled leather furniture in the living room, a custom fitted closet and a dark bottomed swimming pool sunk into the large terrace that overlooks the twinkling lights of Tinseltown below.

If the children have kept their thinking caps strapped on, they might also recall that Mister Hermann is the man responsible for the Nightingale Drive nest for which billionaire Larry Ellison recently paid a record breaking $12,600,000 to purchase as a gift to his lucky daughter Megan. Mister Hermann also did over the house immediately next door to Miss Megan's new crib that media mogul Byron Allen has been trying to unload for over a year.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Dwayne Wade Lists Pinecrest Palace

SELLER: Dwayne Wade Jr.
LOCATION: SW 59th Place, Pinecrest, FL
PRICE: $4,999,000
SIZE: 9,035 square feet, 7 bedrooms, 7 full and 1 half bath
DESCRIPTION: Once in a lifetime opportunity to purchase NBA All Star home, Dwayne Wade's home in Pinecrest. Totally furnished with personal memorabilia.

YOUR MAMAS NOTE: Just between us chickens, Your Mama has been bending over backwards, forwards and sideways trying to handle our personal and professional bizness and attend to the brutal needs of the celebrity real estate obsessed. However, we can't be all things to all people at all times so we'd appreciate it if those naughty and nasty few (who know who they are) would stop sending Your Mama emails just to let us know you think we're a "lazy bitch." Seriously people, do you think we got nuthin' else to do but sit around and write this shit? Please. So unless you want to start writing the checks to pay our mortgages, vet bills and BMW payments, we do not want to hear it.

Now then, with that off our heaving chest, let's move on down to a place called Pinecrest, Flaw-ri-duh where an NBA all star basketball player named Dwayne Wade has put his crib on the market with a $4,999,000 asking price. All the children surely know by now that Your Mama knows as much about professional basketball as the devil knows about doin' right. So after being informed by our research queen B.S. Beaverman about Mister Wade's listing, we quickly consulted both the internets and our ball crazy buddy Fiona Trambeau for some basic 411 on the six foot four shooting guard from the Miami Heat they call Flash.

The internets told Your Mama that Esquire magazine has twice included young Mister Wade Jr. on their list of best dressed dudes, that the baby faced b-baller is soon headed for the court of dee-vorce and also that there is also salacious scuttlebutt circulating that he's dating formerly fat (but still sorta scary) Star Jones who recently filed for a dee-vorce from her well groomed huzband Al Reynolds. Miz Trambeau, on the other hand, offered Your Mama one of her typically snide and sickly cynical nuggets about Mister Wade Jr. saying, "He's a good looking young Christian man who gives wads of money to his church and in my book anyone who gives that much money to God is hiding something besides all of his basketball equipment." Oh dear. That's what we get for asking Fiona Trambeau a question when she's severely hung over after a long, durrty night at The Transfer.

Anyhoo, property records reveal that Mister Wade Jr. and his soon to be ex-wife Siohvaughn (pronounced shi-vahn) purchased the .94 acre property in July of 2005 for $3,975,000. A report in the Wall Street Journal discusses a legal brouhaha in which the developer of the house sued Mister and Missus Wade claiming they had not coughed up an additional $150,000 in improvements to the spec built property. The Wade's subsequently filed a counterclaim. We don't know the outcome of the drama, and if we're being honest, we don't much care.

Listing information for the 9,035 square foot mansion labels it a "contemporary colonial," an architectural style that, quite frankly, Your Mama has never heard of before. Records show the house measures 10,409 square feet with 6 bedrooms and 6.5 bathrooms. However, listing information indicates 9,035 square feet with 7 bedrooms and 7.5 bathrooms. Your Mama does not know why the discrepancy, but it might (might, children, might) have to do with the detached guest house adjacent to the backyard swimming pool.

Guest are greeted in the grandiose and designed to impress entrance foyer that features a double circular stairway and a custom floor medallion with the letter "W," a decorating detail only a professional sports star could love and one that neither Your Mama nor any nice gay decorator we know would ever suggest, recommend or allow.

The rest of the rooms seen in the photos hardly looked lived in and the chenille throw laid across the white leather recliner in the home thee-ay-ter reveals the all too obvious hand of a property stager. What Your Mama would really like to know is who exactly is responsible for deciding on and disseminating the notion that a chenille throw casually strewn across any and every piece of furniture says "home" to a potential buyer?

Upstairs in the master suite, which includes a giant beige tiled bathroom, we are genuinely mortified to find a circular bed. This children, is an item of furniture that can actually work in honeymoon suites of cheesy motels in the Poconos and/or in glitzy high roller suites in Las Vegas. However, Your Mama knows deep in our snarky soul that circular beds should not be installed in private homes. Anywhere. Ever. None the less Your Mama expects and sorta hopes that somewhere in the headboard is a tiny slot where one can drop a quarter to start the bed vibrating and rotating.

Interlocking pavers surround the pleasingly rectangular swimming pool that unfortunately features Mister Wade Junior's nickname "Flash" spelled out in custom tile work on the bottom. This is another questionable decorating notion that will be bothersome and costly for the next owner to fix.

Listing information indicates that the sale of Mister Wade Jr.'s home includes selected personal memorabilia, a sales tactic that Your Mama seldom sees. We got nuthin' against young and rich Mister Wade Junior. However, if we were in the market for a giant house in Pinecrest, FL–which we can assure you we will never be–tossing in an elaborately framed jersey and a few signed basketballs* would not be much of an enticement to sign on the five million dollar dotted line. A better notion might actually be for Mister Wade to bite the financial bullet and have that meddlesome medallion and all that custom tile work on the bottom of the swimming pool removed so that the new owner is relieved of the burden and cost of fixing that crap after closing on the property.

We imagine, but have no knowledge, that the sale of this property has more to do with Mister Wade's impending dee-vorce and less to do with any shifting professional associations. Whatever the case, we sincerely wish Mister Wade Junior's real estate agent is able to locate a well to do fan who's willing to cough up considerable cash to live with all that ka-razy customization.

YOUR MAMAS UPDATE: We did not at first realize that the lovelies at Luxist had actually discussed Mister Wade's property last year when it first hit the market with a sky high asking price of $8,900,000. The children will note that Luxist posted additional photos of the Wade crib that show a circular shaped glass elevator, a Spiderman themed bathroom and a truly bizarro (and wrong wrong wrong) mural of a shirtless Mister Wade located in a small niche in off the entrance foyer. We know Mister Wade was just a child himself when he came into all his basketball money so perhaps he went a little nuts on the day-core because, well, that's what very young people with money do sometimes. But Jeezis, Mary and Joseph, where was his mother or his nice gay decorator to step on the brakes of reason?

*Your Mama has no knowledge or information about what items of personal memorabilia may are may not be included in the sale.

Kevin Spacey Selling His Penthouse Spacey

SELLER: Kevin Spacey
LOCATION: Harrison Street, New York, NY
PRICE: $4,675,000 (taxes/maintenance=$2,489 per month)
SIZE: 2,363 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Occupying the top 2 floors in this 5 apartment condo; A sprawling 3 bedroom, 2.5 bath duplex penthouse with every convenience you could ever want. A complete Crestron system controls the window shades, lighting, entertainment system and internet. The wrap around terrace has open views, built-in grill, planters at every turn, custom lighting, sound system, timed irrigation system and retractable awnings. A perfect oasis for outdoor dining and lounging.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: According to the always too well informed real estate gossip Braden Keil who pens the Gimme Shelter column for the New York Post, two-time academy award winning film actor and noted thespian Kevin Spacey has karate chopped the asking price of his TriBeCa digs from nearly $4,995,000 to $4,675,000. Now kids, we're not embarrassed to tell you this was entirely new news to Your Mama. Not only were we totally ignorant to the fact that Mister Spacey owns property in New York City, we also didn't know this duplex condominium–which we have actually viewed online several times because we're sorta fond of the layout and 900 square foot terrace–actually belongs to someone as rich, famous and sexually ambiguous as Mister Spacey.

Property records for the 2,363 square foot building topper that rides astride a small boo-teek building on Harrison Street are a bit least Your Mama found them to be a wee difficult to parse during the early morning pre-caffeine hours. Most records indicate that Mister Spacey purchased the 3 bedroom and 2.5 bathroom condo in August of 2000 for an undisclosed sum of money. However, we also find records that indicate he coughed up $3,135,000 for the place in October of 2004. So who knows? We're sure that Mister Big Time can sort that out with his exceedingly powerful Lexis Nexis thing and we'll just update the information then.

A quick glance at the photos and it's obvious Mister Spacey hired himself a nice gay decorator to fill his penthouse with sleek, expensive and mostly beige and brown furniture and cabinetry. While ordinarily Your Mama poo-poos an all beige color scheme, we can live with this one because we know deep down in the points of our art loving toes that this place would benefit greatly from some vividly colored paintings and over-saturated photographs.

The layout on the other hand we like quite a bit. The bottom of the stairs cascading directly into the elevator entrance concerns us because according to the feng shui that could encourage the owner's money to run right out the front door. Otherwise Your Mama is rather fond of the modest and comfortable scale of the rooms, the smart separation of public spaces from private ones, and most especially the location of the master bedroom on it's own private floor which means that guests and hosts, while literally on top of each other, are unlikely to feel that least if proper soundproofing was put into the floors. Given that the apartment is kitted and fitted with a high powered and high cost Crestron system that listing information indicates controls everything but the kitchen sink, we can't imagine that Mister Spacey didn't properly insulate and soundproof.

Like dinner guests who have an unexpected onset of diarrhea, Your Mama is breathing a sincere sigh of relief that all the bathrooms have windows. While the closet space is somewhat limited for a full time resident, as a pied a terre there seems plenty of space to stash the cashmere coats and winter boots. We're not surprised the the natty dressing Mister Spacey chose to decrease the size of the bedroom area of the master in order to increase the closet space and create a small dressing area. Your Mama is of the mind set more square footage in master bedrooms ought to be devoted to closets and bathrooms than the actual bedroom area as all most people do in their bedrooms is sleep and fornicate.

The well planted and appointed wrap around terrace has both Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter swooning with envy. We love the small private terrace off the master bedroom and the built in barbecue that is noted in the listing is perfect for warm summers of grillin' and chillin' with all our tan and good looking lezbeeun ladee pals. The only feature that we think might make this roof top oasis even more enviable is an outdoor shower private enough that you're neighbors could not see you washing your naughty bits. Don't scoff children, there are more outdoor showers installed on roof top terraces in Manhattan than you might think.

Although Your Mama isn't a big fan of living in TriBeCa, it's become very popular among 30 something Wall Streeters with giant wads of cash as well as celebrities with similar sized bank accounts. None the less, Your Mama is just not certain if there is a nearby park where Mister Spacey can "walk his dog" at four in the morning.

Property records also show that Mister Spacey also owns a large home on Live Oak Drive in Los Feliz's The Oaks neighborhood that features an oval swimming pool and a long, tree lined celebrity style driveway. Given that he's also the Artistic Director of the legendary Old Vic Theatre Company in London, Your Mama imagines but can not confirm that he has a crib across the pond too.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

David Geffen: Beach Hog

BUYER: David Geffen
SELLER: Peter Morton
LOCATION: Pacific Coast Highway
PRICE: $9,800,000
SIZE: 1,473 square feet, 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama is a little late to the rodeo on this one, but since it involves a couple of big name property mavens in Malee-boo with biggest of bucks to trade properties as freely and easily as a couple of cock-eyed queens trading shade in a busted up bar in Birmingham, we figured we'd weigh in with some sass and salt.

The players are billionaire media mogul David Geffen and Hard Rock Café co-founder Peter Morton. Both gentleman currently own and occupy large Carbon Beach compounds comprised of multiple lots–two lots for Morton and four big ones for Geffen. Both also own several other properties in and around Malee-boo not to mention they live just a few hundred feet from each other as the crow flies...big bad Geffen in Bev Hills and Mister Morton in the Holmby Hills.

Anyhoo, back in March 1996 Mister Geffen bought an itty bitty 1,473 square foot oceanfront house with 45 feet fronting Carbon Beach for $1,230,000. He sold the two bedroom house in July of 1998 for an undisclosed price to a man named Richard Lovett, who happens to be the president of the ubiquitous and powerful artist management company Creative Artists Agency.

Time warp to February of 2007 when Mister Morton purchased the above mentioned property for a $10,500,000. Presumably Mister Morton leased the place out or maybe his son Harry, famous for founding the LA based Pink Taco restaurant chain and dating a pre-rehabbed Lindsay Lohan, shacked up there over the summer of 2007. Who knows? Who cares.

What is important here is that in early 2008 Mister Geffen agreed to purchase the teeny tiny two bedroom house for $9,800,000, which our bejeweled abacus tells us is $700,000 less than Mister Morton paid for the property just one year ago.

Your Mama is hard pressed to believe the house has lost $700,000 in value in the last year particularly given that the Malee-boo market hasn't exactly gone cold or stale in the midst of the mortgage meltdown sweeping other less desirable locales. So, our little pea brain says there might be more than meets our myopic eyeballs. It couldn't be that Mister Morton was just feeling charitable and decided to give the billionaire a big break, could it? Maybe Mister Morton is looking to show a large loss on his taxes? Could this parcel be part of some larger transaction between Mister Geffen and Mister Morton? Will Mister Geffen go on a buying spree in order to give Oracle founder and may-jor Malee-boo land owner Larry Ellison a run for his real estate money?

Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

The house is reportedly leased and Your Mama checked with a few of our better connected sources along the Pacific Coast Highway and from what we hear, the tenant is not, unfortunately for the celeb obsessed children, famous.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

UPDATE: Veronica Hearst

This morning we're going to engage in a little rumor and gossip. Did you hear that children? Ru-mor and gos-sip, so there isn't much here you should read as fact.

Over the last few days Your Mama has heard from no less than three New York City sources who all whispered the same thing: The real estate drama for the allegedly (April issue, page 38) financially strapped socialite Veronica Hearst has yet to come to an end. The children will recall that the Widow Hearst recently endured a nasty, prolonged and public foreclosure on Villa Venezia, the pa-lay-shul 52-room Palm Beach spread she and her late huzband, newspaper heir Randolph A. Hearst, purchased for nearly $30,000,000 just a few months before Mister Hearst was called by life's Editor in Chief. (The property has since been reportedly purchased by filthy rich financier Franklin Haney.)

First, Your Mama heard the rumor from The Fifth Avenue Flap Jaw that the co-op board of Miz Hearst's dignified and limestone clad building at 4 East 66th Street was quietly encouraging Miz Hearst to even more quietly sell her large apartment before another foreclosure fracas presented itself that might shine the kleig lights of publicity on the other discreet and ridiculously rich residents of the dee-luxe building, or even worse, allow an unwanted buyer to swoop in and purchase the posh co-op at auction thereby skirting the usual, byzantine and sometimes humiliating hoops of co-op board approval. Property records show other residents in the swanky building include Pharmaceutical honcho Howard Soloman, hedge hog Daniel Nir and Deutsche Bank director Kevin Parker and his wife Ulla. Our high society snitch, The Social Butterfly, told us ages ago that Texas based billionaires Sid and Mercedes Bass also maintain a residence in the building.

Next we heard from someone we'll call Yelena Yaksitup who whispered to Your Mama that she heard an unsubstantiated rumor that the Widow Hearst's apartment had already been sold...for $31,000,000. Property records do not reveal a sale and we are somewhat skeptical if only because we're hard pressed to believe we'd get scuttlebutt this scandalous before the much more established real estate gossips in New York City. None the less, the $31,000,000 number does sound about what Your Mama would expect the (approx.) 8,000 square foot full floor co-op overlooking Central Park would fetch if it were to be sold.

After hearing what Yelena and Flap Jaw had to say, Your Mama got on the horn with The Social Butterfly who made a few discreet inquiries with some of her more hoity toity acquaintances and reported back that the ladees in Balmain suits who lunch at Swifty's and Michael's haven't heard a thing about this particular real estate rumor and doubt very seriously that Miz Hearst would give up her apartment unless she was dead or being dragged out kicking and screaming in all 7 of the languages she speaks.

Let's be real children. Despite that uglee foreclosure bizness in Florida, neither Your Mama nor anyone else besides Miz Hearst and her team of accountants and attorneys has any inkling about Miz Hearst's financial (in)stability or exposure. Just because it has been reported that she put up the Fifth Avneu apartment as collateral for the massive loans she took from New Stream Capital, the reality could easily be that Miz Hearst still has more money than Your Mama and most of the children...combined. Although it does take big buckets of bucks to live a life of private planes, couture lunching suits and multiple residences with outrageous tax and maintenance bills, just because she couldn't afford to keep Villa Venezia, does not automatically infer that she can't well afford to keep her Fifth Avenue digs and/or her 45 acre estate in New Castle, NY.

However, if the scuttlebutt is true and the Widow Hearst's bank accounts are gasping for air, Your Mama advises that the ladee either marry well, again, or sell her big ticket properties and pay cash for something small and chic at the Sherry Netherland and perhaps treat herself to a petite pied a terre in Paris. Who needs the nonsense of constant debt restructuring and refinancing not to mention public and private chatter among her couture clad crew just to be able to maintain the image of massive wealth? It just ain't worth it.

For those of the children that do not already know, Miz Hearst's decadent digs on Fifth Avenue were exquisitely done up and did over by (now deceased) Italian trompe l'oeil genius and master of interior decorating fakery Renzo Mongiardino, a man who could (and did) make cardboard look like butter soft and aged calf skin and then meticulously installed it in some of the finest homes in the world.

The photos above show Miz Hearst's Fifth Avenue crib and were shot sometime in 2007 for the large format fashion glossy V Magazine. In the article, Miz Hearst's gal about town in a good pair of shoos daughter Fabiola Beracasa is interviewed and featured in additional and fun photos inside mommy's lavish apartment slouching on spectacular and exceptionally upholstered red velvet brocade chairs as well as straddling an ancient stone horse while standing on a gilded commode. Good stuff, children, have a look-see for a glimpse of how the young and entitled in New York City get by.

And remember kids, for now this is just rumor and gossip...rumor and gossip.

America Ferrera: Bargain Betty

BUYER: America Ferrera
LOCATION: Rodgerton Drive, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $1,415,000
SIZE: 3,523 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Architectural 3500sf open floor plan with lofty vaulted ceilings. 3BR/3BA plus elegant powder room, family room, loft-style office. Fiberglass heated pool/spa. Entire house wired for sound. Thousands spent on upgrades. Million dollar views. Energy efficient windows. Newer roof. Lots of closets and storage space. Huge 2-car garage.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Unusually named and recently rocketed to boob tube fame actress America Ferrera plays a metal mouthed gurl dubbed Ugly Betty on T.V., but in real life, the wonderfully voluptuous and much more attractive in person Miss Ferrera is a bonified real estate Bargain Betty. Your Mama heard some time ago that Miss Ferrera and her boy beau had snatched up a new nest in the Hills above Hollywood, but at the time, our research and spider web of contacts came up empty handed.

That is, until two days ago when our aide-de-camp Lucy Spillerguts whispered the address in Your Mama's big ear. So we confirmed with Mirakle Mike, another pal who seems to know more about celebrity real estate than one person should, and we enlisted the assistance of our Fairy Godmother in the Hollywood Hills, and voila! Turns out that Miss Ferrera and her boy beau did indeed purchase house in the hills, a purple hill climber on a wickedly windy road just around the corner from the mildly Mediterranean style house that baby's butt smooth bodied Jessie Metcalfe recently unloaded for $1,495,000.

Property records show Miss Ferrera's new digs measure a modest 3,523 square feet with three bedrooms and a nicely proportional 3.5 bathrooms, including what listing information calls an "elegant powder room." Now children, dinner guest poopers can be clean, they can be spacious, they can be sleek and/or interesting. We'd go so far as to say one could even even be remarkably stylish. However, Your Mama is hard pressed to believe one can be "elegant." A Baccarat chandelier or something minimal from Moooi over the terlit might klass it up a little, but send it tumbling over the edge of elegance? Uhm, No. Your Mama declares this interior day-core rule #851: Itty bitty and often windowless rooms where guests (hopefully discreetly) do their durty bizness can only fail in their futile attempts to feign elegance.

Anyhoo, listing information for Miss Ferrera's purple palace also reveals the two story house (three if you include the garage level with parking for 2 cars) includes a living/dining room, family room, a large kitchen with breakfast area, a library/study, an office, a media room and a gym. Your Mama is breathless. That is a lot of damn rooms to be fitted into a 3,500 square foot house. We're not sure whether to applaud the architect for his/her crafty space planning ingenuity or to lay him/her over our lap and paddle their bare backside for stuffing a moose into a Mini Cooper.

The house appears to have originally been placed on the market with a $2,199,000 asking price. That number was later ka-rah-tay chopped all the way down to $1,498,000 before Miss Ferrera and her boy beau stepped in and snapped up the mauve mini-manse up for $1,415,000. Clearly Miss Ferrera waited patiently, played her cards correctly and nabbed herself a bit of a bargain...that is if you can call any house that resembles Barney a bargain at $1,415,000. And really children, who could blame her (or anyone else for that matter) for wanting this house a bargain price when you consider there's a fair amount of cosmetic work to be done which will surely keep Miss Ferrera's nice gay decorator hard at work on Miss Ferrera's Ugly Betty dime for quite some time to come?

Looking beyond all the bad choices in furniture–which exited the building with the sellers, of course–and the beige carpeting–which can be quickly and easily changed–Your Mama feels there are still a number of significant issues to be dealt with starting with that disturbing and giant mural of Mt. Fuji or some other Japanese countryside glaring out from the wall behind the fiberglass swimming pool. Jeezis, Mary and Joseph, whose bright idea was that? Unfortunately for Miss Ferrera, the pool will need to be drained in order to get that wacky wall issue worked out. With the high cost of water in Southern California that will be no small or inexpensive feat of decorating derring-do. However, hunnies, it must be done, no matter the cost.

Although we don't like it, the kitchen we can's big and looks like it has a nice view to stare at while scrubbing pots and pans. On the other hand, that cereal bowl for a sink sitting on that slab of speckled granite in the master bathroom is a serious interior design crime that we suggest Miss Ferrera deal with immediately before she feels the need to poke her own eyeballs out with the blunt end of her toothbrush.

Both Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter adore the large terrace with a lovely view over the tree tops. We think this could be an excellent spot to soak up some sun or sit under a large market umbrella reading Brontë novels and catching up on all the gossip glossies. We can appreciate that the previous owners needed something over the round openings in the wall–we have pooches we wouldn't want falling off the terrace, too–but certainly there is a more attractive but equally effective solution than stapling some cheap-ass chicken wire over the holes, right?

Now children, before you go crazy picking apart the island in the kitchen or the strange drapery in the living room, please remember that the day-core you're looking at in the pictures, fortunately, no longer exists in the house. So let's all have a moment of silence in an effort to telepathically command Miss Ferrera and her boy beau to spend a few bucks sprinkling some serious interior day-core fairy dust on the roof, in the corners and behind the refrigerator.

Your Mama would like to offer Miss Ferrera (and her boy beau) many congratulations on buying her first home (we're pretty sure this is her first purchase), and we sincerely hope that once the kinks are worked out, this house will prove to be a happy respite from her busy work life.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Tom Freston's New York City Ka-ching!

SELLER: Tom Freston
LOCATION: East 66th Street, New York, NY
PRICE: $38,500,000
SIZE: 4 bedrooms (+ 2 staff rooms), 6 full and 3 half bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: ...Standing six and a half storied with an elevator, this house abounds with exceptional finishes and extraordinary architectural detail. From the elegant entry gallery to the luxurious rooftop terrace, the house epitomizes luxury living. It features a master floor plus three additional master bedrooms, a wonder library, living room, dining room, chef's kitchen, staff suite, gym and seven wood burning fireplaces...

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: New York's favorite bewigged pop artist and self styled superstar Andy Warhol epitomized and documented that brazilliant brand of New York City swank where the high meets low and where Nobodies can be Somebodies and Somebodies can be Nobodies; Where well bred Lee Radziwell types cozied up to a heroin addict hookers on booze soaked sofas at Studio 54 and the Park Avenue socialites like Edie Sedgwick eagerly passed through the gates of The Factory where the iconic and not always well understood artist and his cadre of orphans and misfits turned the art world on its tinfoil lined and Duchampian ear.

In the process of turning outsiders into the ultimate art world insiders Mister Warhol got rich. Or sorta rich anyway, and in 1974 the white haired wonder scooped up this six and a half floor townhouse between Madison and Park Avenues on elegant East 66th street for just $310,000. After Mister Warhol went to meet the great silk screener in the sky in 1987, property records show the house remained part of his estate until it was sold in 1991 for $3,000,000 to a fashionable Spanish ladee named Elena Benaroch who kept the house until the year 2000 when she sold it on to former Viacom bigwig Tom Freston for $6,500,000.

Listing information indicates that Mister Freston renovated the house with a meticulous attention to detail. The floor plan porn reveals that guests are greeted in a guaranteed to impress 47 foot long reception hall that features a long row of book cases and one of the seven wood burning fireplaces. Although a lovely and dignified stair case serves all the main floors of the house, Your Mama could not be more pleased to see an elevator that lifts and descends to five of the six floors because we are 100% certain the steps and landings would be sticky with gin and lime juice if we had to do all that stair climbing while attempting to balance a prodigious platter of sausage and booze all the way from the kitchen to the teeny terrace off the library with it's lurid but appropriate red velvet sofas.

The master bedroom includes two bathrooms and occupies the entire third floor, a fine set up for fornicating when guests are in residence. However, we're not thrilled that the master (and/or mistress) of the house is required to cross a public hall to get to the main bathroom and both of the respectably sized walk in closets. Fortunately, the architect was thoughful enough to include a bathroom attached directly to the bedroom because who wants to be eyeballed on the way to the terlit in their morning all together by their household staff or, even worse, their children?

Speaking of children and/or guest, they're well provided for in three additional bedrooms on the fourth and fifth floors, each with a private pooper. Also on the fifth floor a generous staff suite includes a small sitting room and kitchenette as well as an actual bathroom as opposed to one of those dreadful cave like water closets that are too often seen in the staff rooms of the super rich.

The tippy top of the house features a good sized home gym, a lovely feature if you like sweating to the oldies in your own home...which Your Mama does not. We prefer not to sweat to the oldies anywhere, but certainly not in our own home. We'd have preferred to see a full bath up here with a steam room (we do like a steam after all), but alas. The sixth floor is completed by a decent sized roof terrace, a feature that Your Mama finds enviable and priceless. In the tight confines of New York City, having a small slice of outdoor space like this can help save the sanity as well as provide an excellent spot for our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly to sun bathe.

Mister Freston has listed his modest sized townhouse with a not so modest $38,500,000 asking price. If we're being honest, and Your Mama always is, we think the price is a wee bit optimistic. However, what do we know? And besides, Mister Freston has hired two of the top real estate pushers at Corcoran who are certainly no strangers to persuading buyers to cough up the major moolah for prime properties like this one.

Before Your Mama heads out to focus on some paying bizness, let's get out our bejeweled abacus children because it is not the sweetly turned spindles on the staircase or the 9 terlits that have our mouth hanging open like the Lincoln Tunnel, it's the ginormous profit Mister Freston stands to make when he unloads this high priced pile of bricks. Okay, the man paid six and half million smackers and let's say he spent a generous $15,000,000 in renovations (we have NO idea what he spent so don't any of you wackos quote Your Mama on that). That would put the Hollywood honcho into the place for just over twenty million clams which means that minus the humongous real estate fees he stands to pocket a significant $10-$15,000,000 profit for his eight years and renovation headaches. Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter would welcome those sort of headaches for that kind of return, thank you very much.

Property records show that Mister Freston owns several other properties including a 7,351 square foot home in the same swanky section of the Bev Hills where several other big names also bunk including music exec Guy Oseary. Fading blond bomber Jessica Simpson currently owns a house in Mister Freston's neighborhood that was formerly owned by Tom Freston (who sold it to house hopper Ellen Degeneres in 2001) and sits right next door to the home of soon to be dee-vorced Baby Phat fierceness and bling queen Kimora Lee Simmons.

Source: NY Post